Random update about how I am not really giving an update.

I am actually getting blog views almost daily?!
I either have someone creepin my stuff, that dislikes me.. OR, people actually like reading my randomness.

Lots of Changes happening in our lives.. postive ones. :)
Maybe even an extra blog to capture all the moments. We will see.

We added some new family members, I'll post pics of them them soon!

Wanna hear my latest brags?!
*Christmas gift for my kiddos.. OLD Nintendo. I'm excited!
*Winter tires, and rims--200.00 total. Tires not ON the rims yet, but, its coming! ;) lol
*My boyfriend is awesome.
That is all. ;)

Its just a teaser blog post... Im honestly just unsure about what I should/shouldnt post yet.. haha

and, then there was a man...

So, I guess I should make it blog official, because its already Facebook official..
I have a boyfriend :)
His name is Jason, hes 36, has 3 children, his are Ella 3,Breanne 5,Robert 7 (mine are 4,6,8!)
Hes great to me, and the kids (and to my car! hahaha) We met at the beginning of the Summer... and we hung out alot in the summer time, he got to know my kids, and my family in that time too. Pretty sure they all like him... anyways, we just recently became a couple... ;)
I met him through a mutual friend.. Brian (and his wife Cheyanna!) Thanks guys!
Jason also met some of my family one day when we decided to go Mudding... haha it was quite fun, even tho I broke a flip flop, and lost the other in the mud. :) My Cousin and Uncle came to tow us out and we got back to my house just in time for the kids to come off the bus!

A car named Christine

Who would name their car Christine?? 
Wasn't Christine a possessed evil car? 

Of course it was, and so is Kira.. which, is now being called Christine instead...


anything that COULD go wrong with this car.. DID!

I got "Kira"in July, after wrecking my old car "Bertha" in June.. My parents bought it for me, as I had NO money for a car. she started out as a $1000 car, which I now owe my parents the money for... I was in love with the car, it was prettier than Bertha, and red. much better colour! Since July, this car has proven that I named it wrong, so I decided to change its name! its now going to be known as Christine from here on out.. sorry for the confusion! ;)

It all started September 26th.. 
Status from that night "that was possibly the worst night of my life... car wouldnt start.. some guys tried to fix it for me, then my battery post fell off.. *prob why that post has been having issues.. freaking broken!* then, I gave a girl i went to school with and some stranger?! my bank card to go buy me a new battery.. lol They came back with the battery, the guys fixed my car.. I had Pazzos deliver the pizza I had just ordered to "the red car infront of the vic with the hood up" :( Sooo done with today. lol"

Cost of that night..157.00,  *actual cost of battery, 117.00* the rest was pizza.

Then, October 4th, I went to my sisters to make some Jello shooters... dont hate, we were prepping to celebrate her birthday.. and, my car would not start when I tried to leave.. I ended up getting my cousin to drive me back to my parents..

Status for that night
My car must have been feeling old.. shes gotten herself a new battery & a new starter in the last ten days...
cost of that repair..  New Starter..320.00

Total so far..117+320=437.00

During this time,Christine has ALSO needed a flex pipe done, but, I put it off, as she still ran, wasnt too quiet, and, I wasnt *killing her* *so, I thought anyways!* I called around, got an estimate of 230.00, I didnt fix it though.

Last night, while headed to New York, for a COURT ORDERED pick up of Ryder.. I was idling behind a school bus
and suddenly I heard a noise, it was sorta loud, I looked around.. nothing?
The bus then pulled away, I stepped on the gas... and said you have got to be fucking kidding me? that is NOT my car.. sure enough, it was! :(
I then drove a bit longer, still in shock that my car sounded like it belonged in a demo derby..
Once I got to Port Colbourne, I got thinking that the border would probably NOT even let me over sounding like that.. so I called my mom, texted Damian, and everyone else to complain about my car..
Damian was pissed off.. but, agreed to meet me in Fort Erie, and, we did..
I came home, mirrors vibrating as I drove, she sounds awful..... LOL

I agreed to meet him Thurs to pick Ryder up from him in Fort Erie to make up for the missed NY trip, 
I am glad that altho he was pissed off at me, that he was understanding, and worked with me!

I wish Christine would.. :/

 I will post A car named Christine when I get around to having her fixed :( It'll be soon. Unfortunately!


****UPDATE--Muffler work, (it was catyletic converter, not flex pipe!  240.00, Jay fixed it for me.!)

Someone met his Teacher...

Ryder went to meet his teacher yesterday, her name is Mrs Moyer, he thought she was great! :)

Needless to say, someone is a bit excited about next week..
Its not met ;)
I expect to be an emotional mess on Tuesday. No texts please. hahah!

Eve and Ethan started back on Tuesday, Ethan says he doesnt like going, and Eve says Grade 3 is alot harder than Gr 2 was. :)

Court is over!

Late update but....

Court went well!
Ryder won! :)
How do I figure? Well, the way that his Dad wanted it, Ryder would have ONLY been in Canada for Weekends, which means, he would have only seen his brother and sister every other weekend, which equals 4 days a month!
No idea how anyone ever thought that would have been at all fair to any of the children.

Anyways, Court order is that Damian and I have JOINT Custody, with me having final say in all education situations. While Ryder is in every other day school like he is now.. he is in class Tues, Thurs, every other Friday, so on his weeks without Friday class, he goes to his Dads from Thurs night-Monday night.. and the other weeks hes away Fri night-Mon night.

Damian wont actually have any less time with Ryder until he is in School Monday-Friday. Once that happens, Damian will have him weekends.

Holidays we will adjust accordingly, we tend to get along fine with adjusting that ourselves anyways. :)


Congratulations Ryder!

When you have to fight for your child...

Ryders Dad and I are currently going to court for Custody of Ryder.
School time is here, and his Dad wants him in school there, and obviously, I want him in school here...
Its been ridiculously stressful, I feel sick waiting for it all to end, yet, scared for it to end incase I dont win :(
One of us will win, Ryder will not, which is sad to me :(

And, Damian is a good father, so I'm not bashing him, but, I want Ryder here with me, and in school with his brother and sister, they can support him in school, and help it be a comfortable transition for him..
Please keep us---especially Ryder, in your thoughts right now.

We go back Aug 16th for a temporary order, or something?! I dont quite get it all..

This sure made me realize how much more I appreciate my children, and I keep thinking.. daily, about how with 50/50 custody, I am actually missing half of his life! I hadnt ever thought of it like that before, and, his Dad deserves that time with him, so, I need to suck it up and get over it, but, its still upsetting.

It made me think about shitty parents tho.. the ones who are more worried about dating, and drinking, than getting their kids in their lives more, and honestly, maybe your kids are better off without you if your priorities are that fucked, just sayin..

Meet Kira!

So, I posted that I was getting a new car... never posted her tho! :P Fail, I know!
Her name is Kira, after the awesome Country Artist Kira Isabella. she sings the song "Real Good Radio" which was Berthas (old car) theme song, so this way, I can tie both cars together.. lol

So far, shes been.. okay to me. haha Wheel bearing, and a power window scare, that was fixed at a local garage by them punching my door panel! LOL

I'm done worrying...

What happens, will happen
I miss posting about my uninteresting life, so I'm back! :)

So, whats new with us?! It'll take a bit, but here goes!!

I won tickets to Boots and Hearts Music Festival! its a weekend long concert, with some awesome people!  I chose to bring my Mom, :)

I am dealing with some big/heavy/awful things right now.. keep me in your thoughts please.

Eve, Ethan and Ryder are doing Awesomely... We're all  looking forward to summer time! It'll be nice to do our own thing for a while, and not have to plan things around school, We havent made any official plans yet, but I'm excited anyways!

We have a new car... almost! Its being saftied/etested soon,  its NOT the Focus I had originally posted about, its a 2001 Grand Prix, and her name is Kira, :) Shes a beauty! haha <3

Guess thats the end for a while...

Because of chaos in my life, and, I'm unsure of what I can/cant/should/shouldnt say I decided to stop blogging for a while. Not like my blog was all that entertaining anyways, but, It was fun for me..
Anyways, text/fb/tweet me, its all pretty private now, and, will remain that way. :)

There goes my baby...

Ryder is no longer in diapers/pull ups
He is now a toilet trained little boy, its exciting, but somehow still sad.
I know, thats weird..I dont understand that part either ;)

He stays dry overnight, and during the day, we have went shopping, for a long *45 min* drive, he went to SCHOOL, and even to the dentist without a pull up on!

Im so excited for him!

We're going to be making a USA trip soon to get him some superhero underwear, they're needed! ;)

Congrats Ryder!!

Ways to avoid doing housework!

I SHOULD be cleaning my house, like, I SHOULD have been doing all day, but, I dont feel like it, so instead, I decided to
~have a bath
~play gnometown on facebook *its kinda addicting..* lol
~walk around outside
~text/facebook
~listen to Ethans stories
~grocery shop
~looked for something on tv, then remembered I dont really watch tv, cause there isnt anything good on, like, ever!

I have successfully cleaned the livingroom, and scrubbed the bathtub. :)
My kitchen, is another story :/
I need more ideas on how to avoid housework, because I dont have any more.

What can I say..

After publicly announcing a relationship that hardly lasted after I told people? 

Absolutely nothing. Altho, I was humiliated that it didnt last, and considered erasing the posts just so I didnt look so stupid, I decided I dont erase posts. They're there for a reason, at one point, I thought it was worth posting whatever it is that I posted...

Anyways, life is good,  Kids are doing well, and so am I! :)

Not much else to say, I will magically become more interesting soon, I promise!

*Sings* Brush yourself off and try again, try again.....

So, I got dumped... not posting all the details here, because it'd be childish of me, but anyways, I'm awesome at being dumped, I may be becoming a professional, I'm getting fairly used to it. I mean, why try fix a relationship, they're even MORE disposable than a Marriage *total sarcasm, incase you dont get it!*

Was awkward tonight being asked how Cody was.. the break up was last night, I hadnt told anyone yet, and my Grandpa asked about Cody, I pretended not to hear, but my mom said good, and then he asked if we were still together, my mom replied, yeah, I see him yesterday, so, I then had to explain, that we arent. :/

The kids dont know yet...

Welcome back Poopy.

In January, we had a fox problem by our pond, and there WAS 2 geese there, we found goose parts from the white one, no evidence of the Canada Goose, but we expected the worst.

Suddenly yesterday while we were out feeding the fish at the pond, a goose came squawking at us, and landed in the pond, and started eating the bread, Ethan was hitting the goose with bread and it didnt even fly off, we were pretty sure it was the goose that had went missing..Mom checked an hour or so later, he was still there.

Today, Ethan was off school and was outside riding his bike, the goose came and landed in the yard, sorta close to him! :) It was cute, he came in all excited asking for bread! We then fed it some bread, and he followed it around, it walked, didnt fly off at all, it wasnt scared at all.. We are SURE its that same goose now! A while later, My mom was here and the goose started squawking when we were all inside because we had all left it, it wanted attention! :) So cute, altho, I am scared of birds... I went out too, and I went near him, hes not an aggressive bird at all, hes friendly. Dad came to visit and was happy to see his goose too! :) Here are some pics of the goose.. lol

This thing poops A LOT, that's why the title. lol

Bedtime, its an amazing thing

I absolutely LOVE bedtime, :)

Unfortunately, my daughter can tell time now! I just tried to send them to bed (Bedtime is 8:00) and she looked at the clock, and said Mom, Dont lie, its 7:43, I can tell time now!

I had NO part of teaching her to tell time, I dont like it. hahah!

Ethan is soooo tired, and yapped all night! I was hoping for the extra 17 min ;)

Oh well, looks like I have to wait til after 8:00 to have my bath! LOL That's my nightly thing after they are in bed, I live such an exciting life!

Hurry up Friday!!!

Could this week go ANY slower? I was thinking it was Thursday already, and then my mom told me it was only Wednesday! :/ I was looking forward to a childfree night tomorrow night, I was WRONG! Boooo!

Anyways, Childrens aid came today, he DIDNT make another appt to meet with me, which is a good thing I think, he said he will talk to Scott (Eve and Ethans father) and then he will call me, So, Im hoping this is the end, I wasnt nice, I dont think I needed to be, I am frustrated, and soooooo over this, so over being nice, and being scared to say anything. My children arent now, and never were in danger, and, I feed them every day! ;) Seriously, theres families out there that NEED Childrens Aid, but, Mine doesnt.

I need out of this house again, I went to Port Dover last night to visit Christine, :D and, It made me miss having a life outside of the home. :( hahah

Update on our Childrens Aid journey

A sorta update... but, not?!

http://shangh08.blogspot.ca/2012/03/when-cas-is-called-on-you-for-no-real.html

So, I have had CAS here once since I blogged about it, and, there was NO problems, of course, and he actually pointed out 2 cracker crumbs on my boys bedroom floor, ridiculous.

He said he'd be back in 2 weeks, which is this coming Wednesday.

He wants to speak to my kids again, alone, Makes me uncomfortable, but, I have nothing to hide, and want this overwith, so, I agreed.

I called his supervisor to find out what the hold up is on closing this file, and waht is expected of me.. funny thing is, he hasn't heard ANYTHING about me since the initial visit.. which I THOUGHT they regularly discussed the meetings he has with me *everyone, not just me..*

He said to take it as a compliment that they don't, because they really only regularly discuss the "crazies" I caught him up on what has been asked of me, and how I have met what was asked *routines etc.* and said I would appreciate it being closed as there are NO concerns, and he said he will talk to the worker regarding my case, after the children are spoke to again.. ugh.

Please keep us in your thoughts! :) Never know what kids may say..or how it will be twisted. :/

The Great Fish-Off....

Cody came and stayed overnight, we went fishing in the pond together, with the kids on Thurs night, and we ALL caught a couple fish, kids did too! I took some pics, of course! :)

Friday while the kids were at school, Cody and I went fishing, and, he caught way more fish than I did, however, I caught the biggest! I didnt even know there were fish that big in there!!

I dont have a pic of the big one yet, as my cell phone was having issues.. lol

I took one with the camera, I'll update the post once I have it on here :( Haha

The Big one here.. Catfish, of course. Codys fish.

Small Catfish, mine. lol The kids fish were about the same size... lol

Yep, I even caught a goldfish!

So, Who wins? More fish? or, BIGGER fish?

I dont know.. but, I had fun!

I Love fishing, and hope to do alot of it this year! Last summer was kinda an 'off' one for me.. but, this year should be better! :) I will make the most of it anyways!! :)

I have finally been to "Dover"

I tried the "Onion Chips", and I parked at the Beach...and, I visited Christine--and Mario-AKA, "Bus" I didnt take many pics, sorry!

We just went for part of the day, it was fun, and now I can finally say I have been to port Dover, to be honest, I had no idea where it even was. LOL

It was good getting away from the house, Ryder had fun too! :)

I intend to go back on a Friday the 13th to experience the whole chaotic stupidness that happens that day but, for now, I have been on a normal day, so I can add that to my list of places I have actually made it to ;)

Tomorrow Eve has a pediatrician appt, and I have 3 children home for it, should be a blast..

I hope everyone is jealous! :/I will definately post an update after that.. lol

Not for the Prudes..

I am signing up to be an undercover wear rep!

http://www.undercoverwear.com/

I will have my own link, so, if You're going to shop.. WAIT! ;)

But, you can start your list NOW!! haha

Looking forward to this, I think it'll be fun once I get more into it and start hosting parties!

I'll let you all know when its official via Facebook, and, probably through the blog too!

I seen the Boy....

I seen Cody tonight! :) Its been a few days.. (or, like, 6)

So, it was good seeing him, We did dinner, and talked-we needed to! And, We planned a DATE night! :) I am looking forward to it! Drive in NEXT weekend! :) I wonder if he gives in and lets the woman pick the movie?! We will see.. haha

I found out that he reads my blog, so, maybe he will see this post and let me pick? LOL I dont like deciding where to eat or anything, BUT, I have crappy taste in movies, and, am sorta picky. LOL

He gave me his roll up the rim winner, I think he likes to rub it in that he wins and I dont...

After a SICK day, came a Productive Day! :D

Yesterday was a crummy day, I had the flu, and things were NOT good, I laid on the couch, and napped off and on ALL day, Poor Ryder sat with me and read books, I was covered with books when I woke up! No idea how I didnt feel them all building up, I felt a few while sleeping, but had no idea there were that many. LOL My bookshelf was EMPTY! :)

I felt MUCH better today, bit of a stuffed up nose, but good to go other than that, and, I had a whole day to make up for, and, a 2nd child home! So, we went to McDonalds for Lunch, and then we spent the afternoon outside, and the boys had a friend over--and, so did I, :D Lindsey and Makayla came to visit!

After they left, the boys and I dug up part of the garden and expanded it, I dont have any flowers yet tho..but, getting the ground worked up! Im sure the boys will work it up some more for me, they like to dig. lo Heres a pic, Its still not finished, but, it will be probably this week!

We also cleaned off the front porch, set up some chairs, and moved the porch swing, :D It took up alot of room on the porch..

Heres some pics, of course! Front yard...

And, Heres the front porch! :D Mom is apparently taking her chairs back, lol So, I will be buying some just like these!
This is the train, that we seen a few times a day.. the kids love it just as much EVERY SINGLE TIME! :D Its kinda funny watching them get all excited about it.. Tiffany and I used to get just as excited, we even rode our bikes to the train sometimes...

"Grandma is Awesome"

My Mom is coming to stay with us Mon-Fri for a few weeks while working in Dunnville, the kids are VERY excited, because they know Grandma is "Nicer" than me, *read--gives them more junk, compromises more so kids SORTA win*

Ethan is outside cleaning up their bikes and toys now, so that Grandpa doesnt see all the toys and stuff that he often leaves out...its funny that hes the only one that does this stuff, the other two dont drag random toys around the yard much, Ethan is a pro at it.. he will take ANYTHING outside!!

Mom is a GREAT cook, I am already thinkin up things that she can cook while shes here.. LMAO! Kidding, sorta anyways.. I AM thinkin of things, but, I'm not really going to ask for lasagna, or chili, or anything else LOL

Yesterday the kids found chocolate eggs that my mom had left in the car, and all three started chanting "Grandma is Awesome" :)

I dont remember the last time I heard that chant about me :/ Lovely Children! haha

Theres Another Woman in my Sons life..

I dont like it of course, just like I didnt like when there became another woman in Eve & Ethans lives, but, its part of breaking up I guess.. the other person is most likely going to find someone new. Its pretty much inevitable.

I'll admit it hurts, the fact that Ryder will probably have cuddle time with someone else, *and may have already* and, the fact that it makes it more obvious that we're definately over... which, I knew, you knew, everyone knew, but, us both being with someone makes it more... REAL I guess. He chose to go Facebook public, I havent yet, and, I dont know when/if I intend to. I know whats going on with me, the whole world doesnt need to know..

I will also admit to being rude when I found out he was seeing someone.. even tho I was seeing someone already, it still...stung. Alot. Mostly because Ryder had already talked about her, I just didnt know for sure if she was more than a friend,

Best of Luck to Damian, and his girlfriend... hoping she doesn't cuddle my boy too much. Not yet anyways, I'm not ready to share him much yet :(

Uncategorised

~I had already reached my limit for pics on my last post, Soooo, This pic is uncateogorized! haha

~My Mom is coming to stay here for a couple weeks, shes working in Dunnville Monday-Friday, so, the kids can get their fill of her and stop asking to go see her DAILY! :) They will not see Dad daily, but, they will get over it! ;)

~I am now being "paid" when people click on the links advertised on my blog, so, click away! LOL

~I do not really expect to make anything, but, it'd be kinda cool! haha

~My children have been in bed for an HOUR and are STILL awake, its very frustrating!

~I may need to go sit in the hallway to stop this nonsense.

~I find that putting a title on a blog post kinda limits what I can say on it, so I thought this was a GREAT title for my randomness tonight!

~I have been bit by SO many mosquitos, I'm irritated with them already!

~I WAS SO excited to see my first 3 this year, now, I have seen too many, I need to put some "Off" on me!

~This Hamster WILL be losing its wheel tonight, because Its driving me insane!!

~Happy St Patricks Day! Altho, I dont celebrate this Holiday, at all! :P I dont even LIKE the colour green! :P

~Thats it for tonight I guess, I need to go get some pop from the kitchen! haha

Glad THAT is Over! :)

March Break was a long, and literally painful week!

Long because of the kids, of course, but, painful because of the mosquitos!

Mom ended up taking Eve to Disney on Ice, they had a good time, and took pics, I just havent gotten a hold of any of the pics yet, I will be sure to do that soon!

I met my aunt at the park one day with all of my kids, I took a few pics, here they are..

as you can tell, Ethan was tired out, and it was time to leave.... lol

Yesterday, Ryder threw up all over in my car, and in his carseat, and all over him! It was quite disgusting, :/ I scrubbed the car today, and his seat, it was too dark/late to do it last night. Not exactly how I had planned my day to be!

I am looking forward to Monday tho!

~Shannon

So... theres this boy, I kinda like him-a lot! ;)

Thats right! :) There IS a boy, hes really sweet too! theres a sneak peek at him

I dont want to say much about him, he deserves his privacy.. lol

Over time, Maybe, but, for now I'm just confirming that there IS a boy, and that hes a ginger, and has a great personality ;) My family has all met him, and my kids have too--they all like him!

So, now he can know, that I did actually take the time to blog about him.. hahah

Anyways, I am sure I will be blogging about him more, eventually!

~Shannon

My *Ryder is Home* picture!

Yep, thats right, hes home, and looking older :( Totally sad my baby is so big now.. Hes turning 4 in 4 months! :(

"March Break" is only a Break for the Children..

Friday was a BUSY afternoon! :) I drove to Fort Erie for 6:00 to pick Ryder up from Damian, then had to drive to Welland quickly to drop Eve off to Scott, shes staying with him until tonight, then Ethan goes! Hes taking them separately for a couple days each during their March Break, anyways! after that, I drove to Hamilton to visit with my parents, and, I just got home today, Mom made Nachos for dinner last night as I requested.. Mmmm, shes kinda great sometimes!

I am home til Tues night, then heading back to Hamilton :D I need to do some housework, feed/clean pets, and MAYBE clean my car, its kinda nice out, and my trunk is ridiculous! The kids will be on candy/chocolate/junk overload at my parents, and be expecting non stop entertainment. I can hardly wait...

Eve was invited to go to Disney on Ice with a friend, she will LOVE it!

I am really hoping to get some nice weather this week, I am such a whiner when it comes to cold weather! lol

Anyways, I am guessing this wont be a "break" at all, but, thats okay!

~Shannon

When they both go to school...and Ryder is at his Dads.

Man, its lonely here! :( and, so quiet!!

I hate being alone, always have. I'm so used to always having a child with me, I dont stay home much when they're all away. I COULD have cleaned my house, and I COULD have done laundry, but, I didnt. Whats the fun in that?!

I went visiting, Kathy, she was my kids babysitter before.. Shes my "old lady friend" *dont tell her I said that ;)

We chatted, caught her up on all my "fun" stuff.. and, we had coffee :D

Then, I went and chatted in the computer store in town, I dropped my laptop off there in November, to see what was up with it--adaptor was dead, as I kinda figured! So, I finally ordered one! :) Yay for getting my laptop back!

The day is half over, and I am out of things to do.

Dunnville isnt for me anymore.....

Edited to add.. I started the dishwasher, and, forgot soap, SO, its running again! Even when I try to be productive, I cant! LOL

Sharing something I read..

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kara-gebhart-uhl/mom-judgments_b_1319775.html

Apologies To The Parents I Judged Four Years Ago

To the Parents I Knew Four Years Ago: I'm Sorry

I have come to realize many things since having three children. For example, I now know that I can read "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" seven times in a row without going insane. No matter what people say, throw-up is throw-up and I don't care if it is my daughter who is throwing up but her throw-up makes me want to throw up. I am a really fast diaper changer. And it's true: love does not split, but grows with additional children.

But perhaps one of the biggest realizations I've made as a relatively new parent (my daughter turns 4 in March, my twin boys turn 2 in May) is how incredibly judgmental I was pre-children.

You, the woman at Kohl's who pushed a cart with your screaming toddler draped on the rack underneath it, ignoring her as she scraped her feet on the floor because she couldn't have the toy she wanted: I judged you.

Girlfriend with children who had Nick Jr. on the entire time I visited: I judged you.

Parent at the park who did not pack an organic, free-range, all-food-groups-represented, no-dessert lunch complete with sandwiches cut in cute little shapes, who instead fed your children chicken nuggets, cold French fries and (gasp) chocolate milk? I judged you.

Not out loud, of course. But internally, I was smug. I thought things like I would never have children who would behave in such a manner in public. Or, Doesn't she know the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no TV until the age of 2? Or, How can he possibly be feeding his children that crap? Has he not read any of Michael Pollan's books?

And what's worse, now that I'm a parent, I realize internal smugness isn't so internal. As a parent, I know when I'm being judged. I can sense it, even when nothing is being said out loud. It's in the look. The double-take. The whisper to the companion they're with.

It's hard not to care about what other people think. But still, that quiet judgment can sting, especially on days when my nerves are shot and my children are in the worst moods -- a combination that often leads to a situation judge-worthy by many.

But now, as a parent, I do things judge-worthy even when my children are being good. Last Thursday is a perfect example: My son had a physical therapy appointment a good half-hour drive away. On the way back from the appointment both of my boys fell asleep -- we had eaten lunch out, complete with Oreo cookies and Popsicles for dessert, (judge!) after the appointment and it was close to their naptime. Of course they fell asleep. My daughter, however, who has long given up naps (!), was still awake.

When I pulled into my driveway, I had two choices: Wake up the boys and deal with their short tempers having only slept for 25 minutes, or sit in the van with them while they slept, bribing my daughter with apps on my iPod and promises of candy once inside if she would just sit and be quiet for a half hour longer (!). I chose option B without blinking. And I left the car running (!) the entire time.

When the boys woke up, they were furious because of the cricks in their necks -- thanks to the car seats we bought without good head support to the side simply because they were cheaper (!). My daughter was at her wit's end with being trapped in a car seat in a car that wasn't going anywhere just because I wanted some peace and quiet (!). I took everyone inside, plopped them on the couch, got out some gummy candy and turned on "Little Bear." Two episodes. (!!)

Pre-children: I was going to cloth diaper.
Post-children: I did with my daughter, sort of, but not with my twins.

Pre-children: No TV until age of 2 and then only 30 minutes a day.
Post-children: Ha.

Pre-children: Only organic, healthy, homemade food.
Post-children: My kids love Wendy's.

Pre-children: Public tantrums are unacceptable.
Post-children: Removal of the child is only sometimes doable; predicting when a tantrum is going to strike is often impossible.

Pre-children: Complaints about childrearing and its hardships annoyed me (this was your choice, no?) and saddened me (parenthood is supposed to be a wonderful thing!).
Post-children: Parenthood isn't wonderful 100 percent of the time.

My day-to-day routine isn't what I envisioned it would be four years ago. Some of the things I imagine I'm judged on now are minor, others, a little more major. But mostly they are simple faults and I now know that they don't make me a bad parent. Sometimes I leave dirty diapers on the changing table. My children's socks don't always match. I forget to brush my daughter's hair. I use TV as a way to take a breather. I utilize the fast-food drive-thru. I bribe. I'm sometimes too easy. I'm sometimes too hard. I sometimes make the wrong decision, give the wrong punishment, ask too much, ask too little. But within all these minor and major faults is a singular truth: Most days, I'm doing the best I can. And I honestly believe that's a truth that can be applied to most parents: Most days, we're all doing the best we can.

Because here's another realization I've made as a parent: Everyone's situation is different. There is a story behind every action and inaction. Every parent has his or her own style. Every child has his or her own temperament. What might be a stellar day for my family has been a downright awful day for another -- perhaps the parent's job is in danger, their parent is sick or they just had an argument with their spouse. Perhaps the child is failing math or being bullied at school, or the toddler hasn't slept for two weeks. This can explain the short-temper in the grocery store or the harsher-than-necessary punishment, or the lack of care when it comes to sweets or TV or a late bedtime. We don't know, can't know, someone's entire story.

That said, I believe there are absolutes in parenting so yes, sometimes, I still judge. (And I realize that the irony of this piece is that in writing about not judging others, I'm now judging those who judge.) I know that, for some, it's impossible to provide their children with life's basic necessities: food, clothing and shelter. But I believe we, as parents, must try. I believe we must do what we can to protect our children from harm. I believe we should always love our children, even when, especially when, we don't like their actions, we disagree with their decisions or we're just having a difficult day with them.

But everything else is minor. Everything else doesn't matter. There are children who are abused, who go to bed hungry, who have never known love, and four years ago I was judging the toddler who watched an hour of "Sesame Street"?

I feel bad about my pre-children smugness. I feel bad about the sting I may have, unknowingly, made another feel. I feel bad -- and laugh out loud at the thought -- that I, at one time, before I had children, believed I knew better. Parenting is difficult enough -- there's no reason we should judge one another, not for the things that don't matter, anyway, and not for the things we see a snippet of rather than knowing the full story.

So to the parents I knew four years ago, I'm sorry. I know better now.

I absolutely love this post, its A LOT easier being a parent.. when, you arent one! :D Great Post!

This child talks non-stop!

He used to be so quiet.. now hes random and talkative. LOL

SO far the things he has discussed since his sister left half hour ago..

~Going to work with Grandpa,

~Shrek, he loves those movies..

~Going to see Grandma and Grandpa,

~That its cold outside, so we need the heat on to drive later

~That he would like to visit his friends

~That he likes the muffins I made, but that he really doesnt want anymore..

~He also complained about my music being too loud..

~Now, hes saying he needs to play wii, by himself, so he can be good at it later when we both play!

The Boy Child does homework....

Ethans Homework.. Its so cute seeing how my kids write,

I have ALWAYS wanted a tattoo of their names, done in their own writing, I wish I would have back when Eve wasnt as neat of a writer!

Maybe I can find some old schoolwork of hers with her name all messy like! haha

Switching back to my Maiden name...

I have MISSED being a ten Brinke

I dont care for the last name Grant-Henderson, its a tad long ;)

The Marriage ended in 2006, so, I feel I kept it long enough..

My initial reason for keeping it

~My kids had the last name, so I wanted to have the same last name as them

~I am lazy.

My reasons NOW to why I am ditching the last name..

~Ryder has a different last name--hes a Stokes, like his Dad :)

~I'm pretty awesome at making relationships fail, and, I figure I will be a ten Brinke for a long time because of that, so, why not?!

~Scott is engaged, and, It'd be ridiculous if his ex wife was still using the last name, when his 2nd marriage happened LOL

~I like ten Brinke :)

My plan is to start it all for my 28th Birthday! :D

I googled tenBrinke and came up with this. lol

In Memory of Pam Grant-Henderson

I'm about 6-7 months late in posting this, but, it was an important part of mine, and my childrens lives, and, I wasnt actively blogging at the time, I was being lazy about it.

Suddenly at her residence in North Bay on Monday, August 15, 2011 at the age of 50 years. Beloved wife of Scott Grant-Henderson. Loving mother of Scott Matthew Grant-Henderson of Welland. She was a dear Nana to Eve and Ethan Grant-Henderson. Survived by her mother Helen Taylor of Manitoulin Island. Dear sister of Christine Tetro (Paul) of Richmond Hill, Greg Taylor and Steven Taylor both of Manitoulin Island. Predeceased by her father George Taylor. A celebration of Pam’s life will be held at HILLSIDE FUNERAL SERVICES, North Bay, ON, on Saturday, August 20, 2011 at 2 p.m. Donations to the Ontario Heart and Stroke Foundation in memory of Pam will be gratefully acknowledged by her family.

My children lost their Grandmother, they were there to witness it happen, alone with her at the time.

Eve and Ethan tell the story in a sad sad way.. they said she died, but, they "looked after her" until Papa got home. Thankfully he called, and Eve told him something was wrong, and he rushed home to be with them, its traumatic to them all.

They apparently tried calling me, but I had changed my number shortly before, so, they couldnt reach me. That upset me alot.

I am not sure how long they were alone for, or how long their Grandma *They called her Nana* was sick for, but, I had talked to her a few days before and she had said she wasnt feeling well, and that she wasnt sure if she would be coming with her husband the following weekend to bring the kids home, my reply was "Oh, thats still a week away, I'm sure you'll be fine by then!" Never thought I would regret those words.

Pam was a great Grandma to the kids, and always asked how the kids were, and she clicked LIKE on most pictures of the kids, I scroll through old albums all the time and see her "likes" and comments.

The kids will forever miss her. I will too.

I dont know how to make the white behind the words go away.. :/

What are we up to now?!

I am currently bored of country living.. I dont stay here anymore than I have to.

Once summer rolls around, and things dry up out there, I think I will like it more! :)

Hopefully?! haha

I visit Hamilton a lot, I have my reasons ;)

I feel like I have no real friends in Dunnville anymore, I text with some, and TALK about hanging out with them, but, we never get around to it. which is PROBABLY my fault for not sticking around town at all. Its lonely. I'm a whiner, but, living here is probably why I sent over 5100 texts last month, just sayin'

Eve is doing awesome in school lately, the medication is working wonderfully!! I LOVE Concerta, and, I am proud to say that Eve has done great since switching to the new school, she had a emotional day, over missing her teacher and Central School friends, but hasnt had any angry tantrums since switching :)

Ethan is doing good too, hes the quieter one.. he only goes to school every other day now, and is LOVING it, He is so drained after school that the every other day part helps him out alot. Hes not a strong reader yet, but, hopefully we can get him doing better at that.

Ryder is toilet training, he was doing GREAT, but apparently has had a bad week at Damians, hes a bit sick tho, so we're hoping thats the cause! Damian and I are sharing 50/50, it works out well, but, we both miss him when hes gone. :(

Other than that..there isnt much to say!

When CAS is called on you, for no REAL reason..

**This is in NO way meant for bashing CAS, they are great.. when needed**

Ever have someone you THOUGHT communication was open with? like, your kids school principal perhaps? Yeah, me too.

I was involved in the school--very much so actually

I went to school meetings, helped at school events, I even volunteered Ryders Dad to help with events AFTER we had already broken up, and, he was a good sport, and showed up to help,

I made lighted glass blocks for the school, and went shopping OUT of town to buy the stuff, using my OWN gas money for the stuff, and spent MY time making them, and, then my daughter and I helped at the sale, she had fun counting money, Me, I could have been doing a MILLION other things that would have been more exciting, yet, I cared about the school, about the staff, and about the fact that its the schools last year in operation. I had hoped to make it a really good year..cant really say I feel that way anymore...

Anyways, I moved into my parents house, which is about a 10-12 min drive from the school, and my parents moved to Hamilton, so didnt have the free babysitting nearby for me to attend meetings anymore, and cant afford to pay a babysitter JUST for me to go to a meeting, so... I didnt.

Then, I contacted the bus company, and I got my kids on a transportation route, which meant, I didnt NEED to drive to town to bring them to/from school twice a day, awesome. I can save some gas money..

Which, I guess made me drift away from the school, my thoughts of it being a good year, and helping more, didnt change, until I received a phone call..

February 9th. Pretty sure they purposely waited until the staff would no longer be at the school, AND, its probably a good thing.

The man came the next day, I was told the reasons were,

~No protein in my daughters lunch.. I TRIED sending protein, she doesnt eat it, I cannot afford to send food to have it be thrown out, So, I dont send it daily. I have to switch things up often or the kids get bored.

~My daughter often wears sleeveless shirts to school, (she also has a winter coat and often sweaters, so, I dont see how this is a HUGE deal.)

~My daughter went to school with chicken pox one morning, NO I didnt notice that morning, because shes 7, and I do not dress her myself, shes capable. I also have 2 other children, and mornings are a rushed thing.

Anyways, I cried, a lot.

Then, the man talked to my kids, talked to me, and left. He IS a nice man, I just think its alot of crazyness, for no real reasons. Completely Bogus.

He pointed out a few things with the house that needed quick fixes to be "safe"

we fixed them, he came back a week later, didnt even look, just asked if they were fixed.. and, talked 20 min, set an appt up for 2 weeks later, told me to work on creating a routine, so that we dont have problems like the chicken pox, because of a rushed morning...and left. Fine,

Came back 2 weeks later, i showed him what I am working on, and, he told me to keep working on it.. and, is coming back again. :P This roller coaster isnt over yet, unfortunately.

Mentally, I am not okay over this, or emotionally.. I feel uncomfortable in my own home right now, and, like I am an AWFUL mother for having CAS coming to my house, I feel bad for the kids, for having to had be questioned by them, and I feel very hurt by my kids former principal for not talking to me about his concerns. I have always been a very judgemental person over people with CAS involved, and, now, I am one of them :( I havent lost my children, and am not at risk too, even tho I KNOW that, It sure worries me any time they are coming. :(

I did, pull my kids from that school, and switch them to the more local school to us, because I don't think I could go there and not be rude,

my daughter is being medicated for ADHD, so I need to feel okay about things when I am called to the school over problems, and, I could no longer feel that way at that school.

Hoping Anna Melick is as good of a school now, as it was when I attended. :)